If You Pee Before Flying You’ll Save The Planet
October 7, 2009
That’s the newest “experiment” today! A Japanese airlines is asking all its passengers to empty their bladders before boarding flights in an effort to reduce weight and thus reduce carbon emissions. Yeah, I know! This is so funny I think I’m going to ……… my pants, etc. etc.
According to the Daily Mail the brain trust behind the global-saving maneuver says that if 150 passengers had full bladders (15 liquid oz.) that would reduce the weight in airplanes by 140 pounds. Astonishing isn’t it? (Let’s just ground Al Gore or better yet, Michael Moore! Whoa, Dude! The mother lode there!)
I’ve flown and I can tell you that on the majority of flights very few people use the head, certainly not 150 people. So, we have to spread out those 150 people over several flights and most people going pee aren’t going to wait until their bladders are at full capacity before feeling enough of an urge to relieve themselves. How absurd! This must be another one of those “it makes me feel good” moments; in this case I guess they feel good mentally and physically.
So why pick on bladders. The way I see it, if they are looking to reduce the weight in planes by a few pounds, just kick out a couple of them out of control, screaming, bratty kids every flight has to endure. Or maybe we can ask people to stop eating and drinking at least 12 hours before their flight. This way we can ensure empty stomachs. Gosh, that should save the entire universe if we did that.
I can envision the future of flying. “Please arrive at the airport at least 6 hours prior to departure time. Upon baggage check in and receiving boarding passes, you will be directed to the Catheter Lounge, where airline personnel will assist you with emptying your bladder.”
But let’s be honest. The next step will be to reduce or eliminate the number of fat people on planes. Just think of the amount of carbon dioxide emissions that could be saved if airlines stopped allowing fat people to fly.
Let’s see. I’d guess that at least half of the people on any given flight are fat. By some idiot’s unrealistic standards, if you’re not anorexic you are overweight. With those standards, flights would be empty, therefore eliminating any flying at all. And we’ve saved the planet. My God don’t I feel good now.
They could however solve the problem by just having a direct discharge of waste from the plane out the back. That way any passengers that feel the urge to go can simply go in the little rest room, do their duty, flush and for an added treat, airlines could add a window in the rear so passengers could insert their credit cards to open the window and watch their eliminations fly away. Ah, yes! Come fly with me, come fly, let’s fly away!
Tom Remington
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Guess there’s no more beer on the flights. That means vacation won’t start till you land.