When Government Intrudes – For Your Amusement
May 6, 2009
With a current administration seemingly bent on government intrusion into our lives, with little or no regard for liberty and justice for all, here’s an old story that dates many years but my, how it is still relevant today.
Harold and Maude lived on a farm literally out in the middle of nowhere. The only way in and out was via an interconnection of roads, some upgraded and some so primitive, the only way across them was by foot or horseback. Needless to say, Harold and Maude needed for little and the last thing they wanted was government telling them what they could and couldn’t do on their farm.
It was a bright and sunny day in mid-July. It was the heat of the day and Harold and Maude had completed the morning chores, repaired some farm equipment and Harold had readied the hay wagon for later in the day. Often Harold and Maude would escape to the north end of the old farm house during the heat of the day and take a short nap. Such was the case this day.
Maude awoke to the pounding of the front door. Odd that someone would be pounding on the front door. Harold and Maude seldom had company and anyone with half a brain and cared enough about the two would never come to the front door.
Harold continued to sleep in his rocker and Maude made her way to the front door, all the while listening to some rude son-of-a-bitch insistently pound on her door.
She opened the door and there stood a weaselly little, bald headed man. With a squeaky voice and sticking his right foot inside the screen door, he said to Maude, “I’m from the federal government.”
The little dork presented Maude with a card and began to recite his lines, “I’m from the federal government. My number is 3679244 and I’m here to inspect your farm.”
Maude turned and walked away slamming the door behind her into the face of the g-man. She went back to the north room and woke up Harold to tell him someone was at the door for him.
Ugly, Harold went to the front door and met the man from the federal government and said nothing. The bald headed weasel once again produced his card and repeated, “I’m from the federal government. My number is 3679244. I’m here to inspect your farm.”
Harold, having no use for the federal government or any of their whiny little people told him to go away and get off his property………now!
The g-man raised his voice and became more emphatic. “I’m from the federal government. My number is 3679244 and I’m here to inspect your property!”
Harold stopped and turned around. He went back to the door, opened it and said to the man, “You do whatever the hell it is you need to do and then get off my property!” And with that Harold slammed the door and returned to the north room in hopes of continuing his afternoon nap.
A few minutes passed and both Harold and Maude had finally returned to rocking chair slumber. It seemed nothing would bother them now. But after a bit Harold awoke as he thought he could hear a faint voice calling.
He arose from his chair to investigate. When he reached the kitchen and looked out the window, he saw the federal government man about 10 feet up a poplar tree in the middle of the east pasture. Directly below the tree, snorting and head butting the tree, was Harold’s prize bull.
Harold went to the kitchen door and opened it. The man from the government was yelling, “Hey, you! Up at the house. Help!”
As Harold stood on the piazza looking at the foolish man, the government man once again yelled, “Hey! Up at the house! Come and get this bull!”
Harold thought for a few minutes and then yelled back, “Show him your damned card!”
And with that returned to the north room to continue his afternoon nap.
Tom Remington
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