Carb-O-Zapper 666 - Just In Time For Christmas
November 20, 2008
The Carb-O-Zapper666 is now available just in time for the holidays and that someone very special on your Christmas shopping list. Don’t let anyone tell you you shouldn’t be spending money for Christmas because this unbelievable product is something every earth conscious person who wants to sleep good at night with a clean conscience must have.
The Carb-O-Zapper666 utilizes not yet developed technology (NYDT) specifically designed for that not yet developed science of global warming. That’s right! And here’s your chance to own one of your very own.
Carb-O-Zapper666 is not sold in stores and can only be purchased at participating Skinny Moose Stores.
What does the Carb-o-Zapper666 do? It’s unbelievable. How would you like to expend all the carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases you want with never a worry about polar bears, rising sea levels or the unending hot air emitted from Washington, D.C.? That’s right! Carb-O-Zapper666, when worn properly, instantly zaps (destroys) any carbon dioxide that exists in the air up to 50 feet in all directions, thanks to NYDT.
Imagine wearing this technological breakthrough device the next time you go to the mall or to a movie theater. In large crowds, the Carb-O-Zapper666 will detect the presence of any greenhouse gases, particularly those evil carbon dioxide gases, and zap them once and for all.
But that’s not all. Carb-O-Zapper666, because of the NYDT is pre-programmed and self-regulating. Simply clip it to your belt, wear it as a bracelet, necklace, toe ring or jockstrap and let Carb-O-Zapper666 do the rest.
Carb-O-Zapper666 utilizes satellite technology that constantly monitors the earth’s atmosphere. When carbon needs to be zapped, a signal is sent to your Carb-O-Zapper666 and it begins working and will exactly regulate the amount of carbon dioxide nasty, evil people are putting out.
For those who might worry about too much zapping of carbon emissions, not to worry! Carb-O-Zapper666 is smarter than the combined intelligence present in both Houses of Congress. Whether there’s one or one billion Carb-O-Zapper666s around, you can go to bed at night knowing someone and something is taking care of you.
But that’s not all! No! Carb-O-Zapper666 is so full of NYDT, it needs no batteries. It magically runs on…..You guessed it! Carbon dioxide! On start up, simply breath deeply one time into the Carb-O-Zapper sensor hole and Carb-O-Zapper instantly begins zapping CO2.
So buy yours today! Once you begin wearing one of these all your problems will magically disappear. Ice will stop melting, polar bears will be safe and the trees will be happy once again. Money will magically begin filling up you bank account.
But there’s more! Order yours today and for a limited time only, we’ll send you another Carb-O-Zapper666 free along with an autographed picture of either Al Gore or Michael Moore - you decide.
This IS an unbelievable offer but wait that’s not all. We know that cattle farmers are some of the biggest contributors to global warming. Send me a picture of you and your favorite cow (wink, wink) and get your Carb-O-Zapper666 free.
As you can see from the picture to the right, one of our “models” shows just how sporting and stylish it is to wear a Carb-O-Zapper666, trendy too! It may look large but once you get used to it, all your troubles will be gone. The model weighs 350 lbs. but with the Carb-O-Zapper666, you’ll look pounds lighter.
But that’s not all! For the first 1.000.000 who orders their Carbo-O-Zapper666, we’ll send you absolutely free, our newest accessory to Carb-O-Zapper666. That’s right! It’s called the Fart Deoderator! It just plugs into the side of your personal Carb-O-Zapper666 and fits snugly over your butt. It will instantly zap those odors away. So not only do you not have to worry about warming the planet, you can keep it smelling good as well. (We are presently working on one that fits over the mouth in order to silence people while curing bad breath.)
After all this, you are probably thinking this piece of not yet developed technologically correct machinery would cost several thousand dollars. Well, you’re wrong! Order yours today for a special introductory offer of $999.99. That’s right! For only $999.99, you get the Carb-O-Zapper666, plus a free complimentary one, the Fart Deoderator and your choice of an autograph picture of either Al Gore or Michael Moore. And remember, if you are a farmer, send me that picture of you and your favorite cow (wink, wink) and get yours free!
Buy now while supplies last and watch the globe cool back down almost instantly. This product has been thoroughly tested and approved by not even one scientist.
So don’t hesitate! This is the last gift you’ll ever have to buy again!
Some side affects may include diarrhea of the mouth, a sudden urge to sing Kumbaya, and a rash on the bottom of your feet. In the event an erection from your overenthusiastic expressions of saving the planet, should last more than 5 minutes, see a doctor. Carb-O-Zapper and the makers and promoters of this product are not responsible for any of this nonsense. If for any reason you should believe that any of the above information is true, you are one sick individual of which I guarantee there is no cure.
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This sounds very promising. Perhaps some have already used
this device in their daily routine but it still smells like
shit around here, bealeeve me.
The Carb-O-Zapper666 holds much promise for future development, especially since we are working diligently to trademark the NYDT (Not Yet Developed Technology).
Once we have that mastered, we can then move on to many other kinds of “Zappers”. In essence we can “Zap” anything or anybody! Now wouldn’t that be sweet?
The sooner the better. The deodorizer is a must have here
in Denver. I can hardly stand it anymore so I’m thinking of moving someplace where I can turn-in someone for using
their wood stove. Can you imagine, burning wood to stay
warm while polar bears leave the melting ice-caps for cooler climate? The rising sea levels are proof positive
and shouldn’t be questioned. Look around.